It's sad. I feel emo-fied. I'm not sure why. raging hormones perhaps, or deep thinking.
the past 4 statements have nothing to do with each other.
I'm sad.qing she is gone, flown away by airmail all the way across the pacific/atlantic/whatever ocean it is. and the chances that he'll return? to be honest, to be truthful to myself, i highly doubt he'll come back in the near future. all the best haocheng, you'll be missed.
I feel emo-fied. like fried with emo-oil.tossed into the frying pan, slowly simmering in there, getting more emo by the minute. HAH. i don't know. i'm a tad confused. i should be closer to you guys, shouldn't i? since we have more in common than anyone else? and i've known you guys since i was a wee lil' girl.all the stats say that we should be close friends. if not best of friends. but somehow...i don't feel like i can share much with y'all, and i don't feel like you're telling me much. it kinda hurts too. i mean, insider jokes and secrets? sometimes i feel like i give so much in this relationship but you're not giving anything at all. It's tiring you know? i know you guys try. but trying without any results isn't really helpful is it?
i know i sound grouchy. but this has been kept bottled inside for very long. i mean, we're supposed to be as close as FAMILY. but somehow, we're not. high expectations usually produce the hardest falls back down to earth.so i've learnt to protect myself by not having high expectations.
but i can't. cause i'm too idealistic. i'm too naive perhaps. once bitten twice shy doesn't apply to me. i go ahead and trust the very same person who has betrayed my trust again, and again.i always believed that theres something good, or at least the potential for goodness in every person.
i just hope i don't get hurt.
i'm idealistic. let me come clean about my view on relationships. not that i'm a prude or anything, but i don't think that this is the right time for it. not now, not yet. until i've reached the age of maturity (21), then will i feel that it's the right time to begin considering. and thats considering only! plus, my wish is to date one guy, and one guy only. i mean, why date if you know you're not gonna end up tying the knot? theres no meaning in the relationship then, is there? unless you say that the relationship is for fun, to that i say that then it's better off that we stay friends. yeah. it's like remaining pure. really completely pure, to the extent that my future husband is the only guy i'll date. how will i know? i know that if i walk closely with God, he'll show me the right guy. another way is my parents. yeah. shockingly, i do believe that they know better than me, and so if they approve, thats at least one less hurdle to climb. lotsa people stare at me as though i'm insane. many feminists ask: so what? if you keep yourself pure, but your future husband didn't? isn't that unfair?
i believe that God will honour my commitment to stay devoted to him alone until the right man comes along. i believe that God will not shortchange me. and even if my mr right has dated someone else before, i trust that everything is in God's plan and purpose.
another idealistic dream of mine, is that the guy has to ask my parents for permission to date me:D yeah. i'm traditional that way.
i just hope this saves me from heartache.
i know that you are facing a lot of problems right now. and a lot of confusion. but you must remember that you are not alone in this world. and that we will be here for you. after a while all these cliches sound repetitive, but these are from the bottom of my heart.i know that you don't need advice now, and all you want is a listening ear. you're smart. you'll be able to figure your way out of this mess of a hole. remember though, that there are some things that you cannot do alone. and thats when god and friends come in. i know you're probably disillusioned about god right now, but even though you don't feel his presence, he is there. and your future is in his hands. i guess your safest bet is to trust him. as CS Lewis. or was it Plato? can't really remember who, once said:" If God be God, i believe in him, I go to heaven, and you are doomed. but if God is not God, then we all are doomed. all in all, i'd rather take the chance and believe in him".
theres a lot of things that i don't understand as well. i need a whole lot of faith to overcome this unbelief.
GO SPAIN FOR EURO2008:)
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